Feelings of Elation...

Elation... I should really look up the word in the dictionary to make sure I'm using it properly. But I think I know the meaning and I match that definition with a feeling. Almost the lifting and bouncing of my heart(hey, I'm trying here, ok?? haha); or an out of breath excitement! It's not an average feeling for me. It comes by surprise in rare moments. I wouldn't say it just comes in times of complete happiness. But it's the kind of feeling where alot could be wrong but it doesn't matter at that little speck in time. It doesn't matter because all of a sudden happiness means something bigger. It means looking out a window overlooking a lake when the sun is setting beautifully across from you. It means an early morning chill that doesn't touch you because of the warmth created by your own jogging. It means the chirping of birds on a still morning before the world comes to life. It means the pure sound of a voice echoing in an empty room.

Elation... I got this feeling the other day. I got up from working at my laptop and looked out the window and it hit me. I felt like skipping around the room! I felt like running to the open field and spinning in circles before lying on the ground and gazing up at the clouds!

However, I did none of these things and walked slowly back to my seat, a little disappointed to lose the feeling. I popped another yogurt-covered pretzel into my mouth and realized my error as the feeling hit me again!

Wow. Those were good pretzels.

Humility

I like things in black and white. I like to understand why things are the way they are and why people act the way they do. I like to be able to say without a doubt that something is right or wrong. But the world often doesn’t work that way. There are many grey areas and people are comprised of layer upon layer. My mentality really doesn’t stand a chance! J Yet I continue to think and try to figure it out anyway and come to SOME sort of conclusion, often by bouncing ideas off people.

That being said, on to my actual topic… although maybe I shouldn’t say “topic” and should just pose this as a question. What IS humility? The world tells us to stick up for ourselves and not to let people walk all over us. Even the Bible seems to give a mixed message. We are to humble ourselves, “turn the other cheek”, and allow ourselves to be persecuted (something that we, in North America, likely know very little about). Yet, I think the Bible also teaches that we are to be bold and to approach people with confidence. (This is where I should likely back this up biblically… but I’m feeling kinda lazy:P). I often get so confused. I am part of situations and witness other situations and feel torn about how I should react. My sinful nature (I guess) wants to stick up for myself and say “don’t even think about trying to take from me. I’m not an idiot! I’m not weak!”. But has this idea been completely fed to me by the world? And how much am I responsible to others? There are times when, by giving in to people, I’m only feeding their own sinful nature. So, where is the line? When do I stand up and when to I give in? Ahhh! hahaJ

I read a story about a guy who had an employee accuse him of withholding $2500 of his pay. The employer had not done this and had complete proof of this. He could have easily just pulled out the papers and sent the employee on his way. Instead, since he had the money in the bank, he chose to just give him the money instead. This is incredible to me! I think I would really struggle with that. The bad guy wins? We don’t want the bad guys to win, do we?? (haha) Anyway, I love this story and hope that my pride wouldn’t get in the way if I was ever put in a similar situation.

Perhaps I’ve just got the wrong focus on this humility stuff. Maybe I’m making it too much about ME and that’s why I struggle with it. Maybe I’m putting the emphasis on myself and my own feelings instead of where it’s supposed to be. The Bible says, "We do not preach ourselves but Christ Jesus as Lord, and ourselves as your bond-servants for Jesus' sake" (2 Corinthians 4:5). It’s not about me and bolstering my ego. It’s about my service to Christ and loving others. How I long to be truly humble and not care if I am made to look weak or like a fool! All I say and do should be a reflection of Christ and His love for all people. I should care more about how I make my Savior look than how I, myself, look.

I have yet to really wrap my mind around this… but for now, my head hurts! :):P